Amazing it is the more you remove from your life the more powerful you become.

Like soldiers these trees stand in attention by the thousands on these picture-perfect hills. Implanted on the banks of the river you can spot feather-fragile huts fringed on cheap wood and hope from above. Lower in the shallow waters men poach the gentle passing stream for the catch of the day. People have a strong connection with nature here in Laos and rely on God’s primitive resources to afford daily sustenance. It’s a humbling life whose reigns are never in your hands. When a farmer or fisherman realizes his fate is not exactly in his control, this is called subjugation to God; he attains a calm and balanced temperament- something burnt out in the hearts of citizens making a living in the big city.

When goods and services are sold for more than what consumers are willing to pay, the market adjusts itself to accommodate; in a nutshell, an economic devaluation occurs.

The parallel that I am drawing is when the world gets to be too much to bear and you are consistently giving it your best, you have to get away and control your worldly desires. Turn away from life’s demands to “collecting things” and society’s imposed fear of poverty and get back to the basics. You can enhance your spirit by traveling to achieve a holistic self again – your equilibrium must not be neglected. Enjoy the childish things in life and do what makes you feel special again, even if it is foolish. This is what I learned today.

It is cartoons, abstract art, and surrealist art that boosts my thinking and squeeze my creative juices to the max. It also happens when I witness psychedelic art from the 60s or if I look at the stars, planets, or think about sci-fi lifeforms that may exist in outer space. These abstract art forms (think funky screensavers here) let my mind soar beyond the (t)reason of worldly constraint. When experiencing such pieces of art, for a moment I feel like I am gravitating upwards; in those very moments I have clarity and superhero vision! It’s a transcending inspiration of the soul. I see what’s right and what should be. It helps me get out of this world and focus on my inner best intentions.

For me, it’s important to keep my mind active and critical of visually splendid things. It stimulates my senses and keeps my brain jogging full speed. It can even be small math puzzles, like Mad Minute. So when I wake up I tell myself this every day: “Think, count, process, and dream a world of your own rules, Basim! Don’t let yourself accept without appreciating the world around you for exactly what it is.”

Sometimes I have to get away from the hustle and bustle of public life and go to a place where I can meditate to my own tune. Nobody seems to understand this, and it annoys me. They think I’m depressed or something’s wrong. I have to do this because of the influx of data processing happening in my brain – complex multi-threading in my head creates massive overheat and I have to get away to keep the supercomputer intel inside in sound function and repair. We must get back to square 1, numero uno, the unit self. This is the craziest post I have ever written. If I read it again, it will probably not make sense but it felt great writing it.

With hope I write you and with a sigh of relief. When she tossed her head back in comical relief and laughed at the airport procedures, I felt a drainage pipe break through. It came gushing forth, all coming back to me. The whys and hows all came together like a symphony. Alhamdulillah, Allah has not forsaken me. I am whole again in love.

Nobody. I’m leaving Syria right this minute and I’m not very happy. Things did not go as planned – at all. I’m not very settled in Syria even as a visitor and that’s the problem I am struggling with. American-Arab as I am, Arab-American I am no longer. I am more another culture, maybe more American-Arab than ever. Nothing is as it used to be. Yes, that’s my ill and I am trying to beat it out of myself; exorcism from a rooted inconsistency within self. Some foreign element I cannot come to terms with so it must exit now.

I share only a past and a heritage with my country. We unite on a common history and religion and that is all. Masjid Al Amawee and good old people who remind me of older times are my links in. I cannot cope with the duality of living abroad and maintaining my local identity in Syria. I am even a foreigner here. Really, I am not fully congruent with any one culture. I have to be of both.

This year things have changed here. Let’s explore what’s changed for me this year; maybe in these events I will find my new self and the reason for my sad parity, my momental loss of self.

One, I got married and tipped the boat proving my Syrian side is stronger than my American side. I made a firm statement by doing that. My wife is Syrian and I speak more Arabic at home now and so that’s good. One would think that helped me get closer to my country. I correct myself: I still love the people and the language. Still did not do it for me…

Two, I moved to Brunei for an opportunity for career growth…and I have on the way made big leaps in personal growth. A quiet place very different from the rest of the world, Brunei that is. Different value system and a different interpretation of life and time it is living in near-Chinese Asia. Exact opposite of the Arab world. This topic needs another stretch.

Three, I moved into a home away from family. I’ve set up much to my own liking. I have probably grown deeper into loving my ways. Some of which were balanced wobbly between two cultures. Coming to Syria I’m nobody with value in the public eye except in the eyes of friends and family. Streetwise, I’m a stripped cob of corn as new as I am old and worthless.

It’s now becoming apparent how much I’ve evolved into the earth I have traveled. From America, raised Syrian, Muslim altogether, add fitting into Brunei after Oman, then subtract how much Syria has changed from the good values I know in it. The sum is an explosive figure that is hard to appropriate, each element counteracting with the rest. I wonder when faced with a decision, do I act American, Syrian, Muslim, or Bruneian? I am not to be envied. Now I know why I am so very indecisive about everything, including picking something to eat on a restaurant menu every single time.

Aside from this all, Syria itself has changed. At the departure hall. She’s with routine disgust calling for passengers to board the plane over the PA, shouting their names as if shaking their babies to death and threatening their lives with a microphone knife. What’s with the bad attitude? What did they do to you in cell 54? Why take it so personal if you’re a bitch and no one cares? This is my last memory of Damascus.

I wonder if they will ever wake up to a new amplitude, a new rhythm sonorous with the way everyone else sees it outside these gates of hell. Wake up to common courtesy and civility. Don’t tell me we’re Greek and loud so it’s OK! People are telling me I’m not understanding them here when I confuse jokes for insults. Well maybe I don’t. No wonder taxi drivers are the swindling devils they are here: people respond to fury with fury. Fire begets fire and nothing good ensues.

Don’t believe the talk. Nothing has improved since last year. Except for the shaded bellies of good faith and reputable lineage of good people, my country is befalling moral debauchery and urban decay. Why would I want any piece of this? Someone please remind me…back to Brunei Darussalam: abode of peace…

It must be the stress of our times in the Middle East; I have it really easy in Brunei and in America. I bet I don’t understand the grievances of my people here. I am not sure if it is an Arab thing or if we wear on our shoulders a model brain designed to overheat and explode with minimal provocation. Something about us keeps us downtrodden and distrustful of progressive thinking and new common values. I am referring to ideals such as smart work not hard work and integration versus self-sustenance and pluralism versus secularism.

The world is embracing diversity seamlessly and the divide is widening because we are getting more distraught with our love of self versus and progressing ourselves versus standing in line and doing things the right way. Will we ever catch up? There are no shortcuts to success; we must accept honesty, fairness, and common civility. I am starting a revolution with myself.

It’s like in 1 split second the weight of responsibility shifted from one man to another. It is him saying this is the daughter I raised all my life and poured every ounce of love into her and I just hope you can try to do the same.

It is an immense over pouring. It is a quantum leap of faith and security. This is the beginning of my life as a married man.